The gorgeous devil spawn

So young Master Thomas is asleep at the moment in bed - he's 3 in every sense of the word, and it's only something other mother's understand fully. I remember my sister telling me about the terrible two's that don't stop on their 3rd birthday, they actually go forever!! And the other mum's at playgroup that all sit and nod their heads and tell you the horror stories of their ones when they were playing up at that age.......and I suppose it's never something that you want to admit to - but there are days when I just want to stop what I'm doing, and walk out the door with nothing but the shirt on my back, never to return. I don't care that they are too small to fend for themselves, or that they may be damaged for life from that moment on, I just run out of patience and I don't feel like there is any answer.

Lucky for me (and them!) I've never got to that point - I've always been able to compose myself - or close the door and lock them in (or lock myself in my room if the situation has been unbearable!) and then two minutes later that good old Mother-guilt has crept back in, and I end up just hugging my baby, no talking, no words, no sounds..............just cuddles and a feeling of undying and unlimited love for my beautiful son. Usually that's all that they wanted in the first place, but I haven't been able to provide that, as I've been too sidetracked with other aspects of my life.

I know that when children are this small that we as mother's are THEIR WHOLE UNIVERSE, and nothing that we do will change that. We are there (so they think,) to do whatever it is that they want us to do - which half the time is just be there with them..................but like John Lennon once said - 'life is what happens while you're busy making other plans'..............

Sometimes I need to stop the rest of my life and embrace that need, rather than feeling like a victim of the situation that is completely out of my control.

And at other times, like right now, when he is tiny, and asleep, and defenceless, and the most amzingly complex creature I have ever laid eyes on, it all makes sense!!!! I want to say sorry for all the times I've yelled at him, lost my patience and (heaven forbid) smacked his tiny little bum and sent him to bed with no tea. I want to make it up to him and be there for him for every moment that he needs me........................................but I can't be there all the time, I have to let him go and be himself without me. And I know that soon will come a day when he doesn't even want to know me (far into the future I hope!) so for now, I'll play tigers with him, and dance when he wants to, and play chasy, and make 18 playdough snakes for as long as he asks me, and hopefully he may remember these little moments that we shared..........just the two of us!!!!

Enjoy the circus that is young children......................it's not in town for very long!!!!! xxx